The light switch is off folks, no contact from WW since our talk (no counting number of days this time around!). A-OK with me but I have been thinking a lot. I have realized that I created this idealized version of WW in my head and that is really what I was so in love with. That makes me very sad. I am so objective in life but in this situation just blind as a bat. Everyone else was right it turns out.
I always find it interesting how she can go from talking to me constantly to nothing overnight. Another interesting observation is an emotion that is actually new to me throughout this journey: ANGER!. I am so angry toward to her right now. I know I have to let it go. I haven’t felt anger before, sadness of course but not anger. Maybe it is the cheating revelations that felon let me know about. I can’t believe how she plays that off as no big deal. Wonder how she would feel if the situation was reversed…hmmmm..
My view of WW has changed so much over the past year since we started talking and hanging out again. I think that has a lot to do with what was holding me back. When I thought of or think of her, I do not think of the love of my life. I see her as a cheater, a liar and someone that I cannot trust in any respect. I cannot trust with her other men. I cannot trust her to be honest with me. I cannot trust that when there are problems, that she will try and work them out rather than running for the closest door. In the words of our current U.S leader.. SAD! Can I tell her this at some point? I really really want to. If WW, has one weak spot, it is that she cares immensely what other people think of her regardless of her actions. I think I won’t make it a point to tell her, but when we talk again, if the time is right I think I’ll bring it up.
I need a crash course in Pax PMA! I think this is the first time that I know things are over, the first time I want them to be over. I am going to give myself a week or two to decompress. If I don’t hear from WW, I will go ahead and file on my own. I have been crushing it at the gym and playing hockey still to keep myself up there. Also planned a labor day party that should be good. Ya’ll should come 😊! After that, I have to go hike Mt. Washington before it gets too cold. I am going to power through this!
