the time it takes to make authentic changes is much more than a week or 4 days. Even if you think "it worked" it's such a short time.
HER time to process HER feelings and whether she believes you really are behaving in a new genuine healthier way,
is also going to take more time.
Like Sandi said, there is no magic bullet or sentence with the right words said in the correct order, that will solve all this.
(Believe me, I looked & experimented with the best wording, for over a year. I'm a L and am a bit of a wordsmith. And if I were in the Supreme Court, I'd have won. But I could not reach my h...).
Also, saying things to her like you regret taking her back or letting her back in too soon (which is not dumping her) is not productive or necessary.
To me it sounds indecisive and potentially even punitive.
Sorry if I read this wrong - and I may have, but it sounds to me as if you are (maybe subconsciously?)
using sex as a tool. If she refuses or doesn't feel close enough to you,
are you tempted to threaten her with filing - under the guise of an OM vibe?
I'm asking.
Only I never said "... things to her like you regret taking her back or letting her back in too soon (which is not dumping her) is not productive or necessary."
I said I may have let my guard down too soon.
All this talk about a silver bullet...where does it come from? I don't remember saying it. Shoot, I just try stuff and see if it works. Just like it says in the book.
When I see a dramatic change, I bring it here and bounce it off you folks. I never expected any quick fix.
As for using sex as a tool? Call it what you will. A thermometer or whatever, I'm not sure where you got this idea that that would determine my next move.
Either I am doing a terrible job of explaining my actions or I am a real piece of crap.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
