I do look different. When I was in NJ 4th of July week, at a family BBQ, one of my aunts walked right past me saying hi to people. Turned around, went to someone else to say hi, walked past me again. I said "Hi, EastTN's aunt" to her back, she turned around and said "Oh my god, EastTN, I didn't even recognize you!" Felt pretty good. Work colleagues notice, when I showed up at school the first day. the resource officer/cop said, "Oh my god, how much weight have you lost?" I got to the office and the school lady said, "Oh my GOD, how much weight have you lost??" I've NEVER considered myself handsome (I have nice eyes, and that's it as far as physical attractiveness goes) but my GF thinks I'm hot. That takes some getting used to.
I still have about 50lb to lose, so more work to do, but I feel GREAT about myself for losing the 90 so far. My goals for the lost weight include, "actually fitting in an airplane seat," "not breathing hard when walking up a flight of stairs," and "living past the age of 50 and being able to see my grandkids someday."
The insanity is pretty bad. I've had a drama free couple of weeks. About the only thing I've had to deal with is hearing STBXW talking to D about her "friend" whenever they're on the phone or facetime. I've done my best to ignore it (realizing that I don't care she's sleeping with someone else has made me feel tons better. I was afraid that would hurt. A lot. Which would say some pretty bad things about whether or not I really wanted the life I have today).
I was foolish and invited some drama today, though. STBXW and I briefly texted about D getting her hair cut. STBXW then asked about getting her ears pierced, and this is the result:
STBXW: And her ears? Should we get those as well?
EastTN: I've already made myself accept that I won't get to be there for that. If one of us has to miss that it should be me. Just let me know when you're going to do it, and let me talk to her when you do. I'd also appreciate if you didn't take the guy that you've been taking her on picnics with when you get her ears pierced.
STBXW: You mean my family and friends? That is not up for discussion and you're more than welcome to be there when her ears get done.
EastTN: I agree that it's none of my business what you're doing or who you're doing it with. However, you've given me a LOT of hate over her being around anyone else, even to the point where you decided that she didn't live with me anymore and needed to change schools because at some future point she might have another woman in her life regularly. I've respected that and she's never met anyone, but she apparently knows your boyfriend pretty well. I don't know how healthy that is for her at this point. Like I said, I respect that who you're sleeping with isn't my business anymore but you're the one who made other people in her life a big issue. Why is it ok for you to involve someone like that after the things you've said?
STBXW: You sir are stepping on boundaries you have no idea of which you speak. Stop assuming. I do not have a boyfriend and I am not sleepy I guess{sic} with anyone. Furthermore, it's no ones business as to what I do in my life as long as D is taken care of. And yes, I have a problem with her being around GF, because GF is scared to death of her from you have told me. Why should I want someone like that around D?! Anyways this is the end of the discussion. This isn't about D anymore and I will not give you fuel to use against me in your dirty war! Thanks and bye
EastTN: Have a nice day, STBXW.
So. I feel like from a "constructive conversation and not starting drama" point of view, I probably erred by saying she was sleeping with whoever she has taking showers at her house (D had also mentioned that this person has slept there while she was staying there, but it's hard to be sure she's just not telling stories). Truthfully, I probably shouldn't have had this conversation AT ALL (in hindsight, the outcome was predictable) but I thought it was reasonable to ask that she not include some other man in that rite of passage, especially given all the crap I've gotten about GF meeting D. My C told me she would do this (in the past, STBXW had insisted that we both needed to meet anyone we introduced to D. C told me that she would absolutely stand by her demand where I was concerned, but would not abide by it herself. Score one for C).
I'm also seriously confused about the "dirty war" I'm supposed to be waging against her.
I've NEVER considered myself handsome (I have nice eyes, and that's it as far as physical attractiveness goes) but my GF thinks I'm hot. That takes some getting used to.