Don't have much to update other than that W is waiting to hear if she got the job but is also planning action steps if she stays (like renovating the home, planting a herb garden). W said she didn't like the person she was and recognizes she broke my trust but that I need to have patience and that a lot of what she does during IC involves loving herself and addressing issues from a long time ago. In the meantime we continue to do things together, she continues to show emotional and sexual intimacy towards me.

Last week during the flight to Portland she almost was unable to make her connecting flight due to delay from where she was leaving from and reached out to me. Fortunately, she was able to get her flight adjusted after they heard she has a job interview.

She shared with me a text she sent to a mutual friend which shows her humor but also shows how she has come to terms with her own responsibility. Until the past few weeks she said it wasn't really cheating. Until the past few weeks she said she wasn't committed to making it work but now has suddenly used those terms.

"Ever since we met, I have gotten a new job, was on the brink of divorce, endured a cheating scandal, and now I'm on my way to Portland for a job interview that almost got derailed"

I told her this would be a great book title.

Are we done working on ourselves? Hell no! Are we happily married? No, and there are some challenges every now and then but we now are able to address them when they happen.

Could there be setbacks? Probably.

As for me. We are finally going to be able to vote for the department chair position and in a week I should know if I get the votes (and then the Dean has to appoint me) but I feel good that I receive all that support and faith in my capabilities.

Am I worried that if she gets the job offer that things might get confusing again? Absolutely.

Do I think that we had a little miracle happening in the current trajectory? Yes. And that makes me a little guarded and cognizant that maybe things aren't as good as they seem but I have no real reason to feel this way.

If I cannot believe anything she says and half of what she does I can say that I am at peace. If we end up divorced I know I can be proud of myself and how I showed compassion towards herself. I worked on addressing things that I needed to work on. My W. has done the same and so I cannot see how she would simply be acting and / or pretending. I do know she is a little anxious about the MC perhaps ending soon (but IC would continue). But I do think she has legitimate issues she has to work on that aren't really connected to me.

It is amazing how beautiful and strong my W has shown herself to be when she empowers herself. And through her efforts has shown that she cares about me. She says she is waiting to say ILY for the right moment (I know... I can be skeptical but she has a lot going on...and we did rush everything in our relationship). But she does everything she possibly can to ensure I feel good about myself. Despite her exhaustion she does things to do that.

Am I fooling myself? I don't know. But I don't see a bad end result here. Either we have found a way to revitalize and strengthen our marriage OR if it ends I will leave it knowing that while I have flaws I can walk away happy and knowing I gave it my best shot.

Do I hope she doesn't get the job? Perhaps a little bit. Just because it makes it easier for us to continue to grow and perhaps move together. But I can also see how her moving first would further empower her and would allow us to continue to grow individually (and have some passionate trips). But that is my worry a bit that because it would be fun and passionate trips that it might slow the tougher parts. But one day at a time.