I understand your thoughts on the safety net but just cant get my head around her wanting to come back to the M if I don't show her a better option
I think you really need to work through this safety net mindset and drop it. If she sees you as the safety net - the familiar, the comfortable, the predictable - she will most likely keep disrespecting you.
Also, you cannot do anything to show her that you are the 'better option'. That has to come from her. She has to see it. You have no control. That's why DBing is about saving you and if the M is saved, then that is even better.
You want to keep the door open, and her to know that it is open - I get it as I was in that same place. I said it to her in different ways and actions, but it did not change any of her behavior. When I started to actually not care and show her that I can move on without her, that's when I have gotten the most reaction from her. I am in no way through my sitch, but just sharing from my relatively short experience.
Your focus on 'safety net' and 'better option' is all about her, and not you. You need to work through this.
I am sorry about the house situation. But as it can't be changed, you don't need to focus on it.
Sorry for being so straight forward, but I feel your pain coming through your posts and I am so sorry for what you're going through.
