What to Do?

[chris19]

We are both young (30/28). Met in college and have been together for about 9 years (married 2). We hold a great friendship with each other as well as our families. No kids.

She has told me that she needs more intimacy (both through open communication on a deeper level as well as sexually). We used to be sexually active prior to marriage and I do remember feeling "connected" on an emotional level prior to marriage as well. I am saying I remember b/c the comments and concerns she shared about us (disenchanted/not interested) started after marriage.

For some reason we stopped having intercourse because I felt I would always initiate it or was rejected multiple times. This put up my guard as not confident as well as wondering if she still found me attractive. Basically this sent me downhill. I have also become a shell of who I was when we met and were courting. I have become very submissive in our relationship. This has caused me to become co-dependent.

I am realizing all of these things now that she dropped the bomb, and stuff is real now. It was my mistake for not looking into these forums and books during our trial separation. Now, it seems I am hanging on by a thread.