There will come a time with no more tears

[Treasur]

I don't think the email was mean but it was blunt. I'm not expecting any response from my H. He'll either call to talk about financial stuff next week or he won't.

Some of it is we probably get tired of the crazy, OwnIt. A life - even second hand - with depression, and anger and destructiveness in it isn't a good place to be and it's exhausting. I wish with all my heart that my H was capable of empathy or kindness towards me, but I see no sign of that. I think he can now do some version of rational which does mean I can deal with some of the practical stuff now he's refused to deal with for 18 months. But he just wants 'it done' (by which I assume he means the final bits of D from what he's said). If he feels regret or remorse or compassion for me, it's not visible in what he says or does.

So, the good news is that things can get dealt with legally. The bad news is that he is still far from healthy because a healthy normal person would show some empathy for the truly awful impact his choices have had on my life, even if he still wanted a life without me.

If I'm kind, I think he may just be on the edge of realising some things and they may feel so overwhelming to look at that he can't bear it. Running is still easier for him, I suspect, and in a way I can understand that. If you are sitting on a bucket of emotions including shame, much easier to be cold and numb. Unfortunately, because of his choices and because of how long it has taken him to get here, we've just run out of time. And I've run out of faith if not love. I'm almost as shocked by the love not running out as I am by what has happened to us and what chaos he has created! Strangely, my gut instinct is that he loves me still and that over the next year or so, he will start to remember that.

But every bit of me is screaming that I need to let him go and walk away, so there it is.