I’m a firm believer that people don’t leave something for something worse and it’s this that drives me to be her “safe place” and friend when we interact
The biggest flag for me here is "safe place". As LH19 said, with the level of disrespect you are being shown - and btw I am amazed at your fortitude in light of this - you most definitely cannot be her "safe place".
I know this is nuanced and you have your boundaries in place for certain things, but I think that she truly has to see you as being 'lost' to her. She has to gain respect for you and that will be hard if you are her safety net.
I think a good dosage of indifference and confident attitude which communicates you have 'dropped the rope' to her is important. She needs to see that.
The situation is more complex because she is still in your house with the kids and has not had to experience the consequences of her behaviour. Can you not reverse the roles and ask her to move out and get back in the house? I mean, it must be killing to see the OM in your house - like a full replacement.
Can't you turn the tables around on her? She can do what she wants with OM, but find her own place and do it there and you move back in?
