Monday-I exploded in a series of text that I was tired of all of this. I was filing and it was going to be ugly. That any recent A would be exposed and hidden money found. Essentially dumping her. She was surprised and shaken. I then went Dark. Tuesday-Left before she awoke and returned at bedtime. No text, no nothing Wednesday-Same, gone, a ghost except for sleeping in the same bed. Not a word. Thursday-same, a ghost, except for right at bedtime when there were no words. Friday-was the dog poop scenario. She was up early and 1st words since Mon morning. Later she asked about dinner and had a new attitude. Saturday-morning I'm up early and I texted about sex. The whole "I can't/won't conversation was had. New W throughout the day. She expressed that she didn't think we were even friends during the last week.
Sunday-she moved closer and sex. We had the whole R conversation where she told how she had been under a lot lately (D18 leaving for college, a friend from work leaving, ex H of long time friend dying) and I listened and validated. A visual breakdown and with that, the timing seemed right and I calmly told her all the shaming and labeling stuff. She listened and appeared to contemplate. No denial or retaliation. Again, not a typical reaction.
Last night before sleep, I asked her if she had a good weekend. She said, "yes,....how about you?" I replied, "I did, but I wondered if I had lowered my defenses too soon." No reply. My purpose was to keep my options open.
I believe that after our little talk that she thinks we are back on some right track or just the threat is gone. IDK.
So initiating sex was after four days of Dark. No that wasn't my intention for easing up. I really felt she was shaken and I noticed a real change. Not the usual, let me shove my feeling down and play a part again, change.
Sunday I told her that for now, I wasn't initiating any D, but the minute that I saw any signs of any kind of A, it was on. (does this count as a boundary?) I defined cheating as any secret friends or hidden conversations etc. She vehemently denies any OM.
Quote:
This past weekend confirmed to your WW that you are still very much interested in keeping her. If you don't want to act as if you are dumping her, then just tell me and I won't waste time talking about it. To me, it sounds as if you are still searching for a magic bullet........and there isn't one. You have to decide what you are going to do, and be consistent. Understand?
True and that is the reason for my question about letting her in too soon. I really think I got her attention and I think she believed the seriousness. I was serious.
I want to set the record straight and lay down some terms if this is the beginning of a new situation. I want to do it right.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
