KGirl - new life, new stuff #2

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=KGirl]Thanks, all. Yes, I agree I am not detached enough/would be looking for info/would definitely not be able to handle it if he did show up as well, so I don't think I can go. I'm not exactly in the need for more male friends, particularly ones that live an hour or more away,

Whoah, an hour away? Oh, no way on a weekend night?...God no...


so I'm not sure this is where I would want to spend my relationship-building energy. Maybe if we had all really become friends it would be different but most of them I met once at XBF's birthday party for a few hours.

unless you need new people in your life, and live in a small town, this^^ seems really labor intensive for people you only met once.

My friends IRL were feeling like XBF's communications with me indicated that he did indeed think I was waiting around for him and that he could just pick up when/if he felt like it, so I decided to clarify things and sent a: "To be clear, I am not waiting around for you, and will be seeing other people. If your circumstances/situation changes you're welcome to get in touch, but I make no guarantees."

oh man, I wish you had asked around for advice on this.^^ Sending him a message to say you are not going to wait around, just undermines the message itself.

Do you get what I mean?

His response was: "Thanks for letting me know, I hope you find happiness." *Shrug* so OK, that was helpful because it put me out of the sort of denial phase of "well maybe he'll still come back, he said maybe in a few weeks?" to the "OK, yep, definitely time to put him out of sight/mind" phase.


well if it helps you move on, then that's a silver lining. Use it for doing that.

And with the friends thing, that's the other reason I can't do it - the only way I've found to be able to get over people is if I completely cut all contact/social media/etc. with them, otherwise I keep holding out hope for them (probably because in all of the situations they've been the ones dumping me/I still wanted the R).


so would it be fair to infer that either your "picker" of men has you picking men who are not really available OR you push them too much and scare them off?

Any chance you can bring that up with your IC? BTW, sidetone - I have gone to T every few years for tune ups or "major overhauls" in my life. When my dad died, when my mom died, when h had his first Alaskan obsession and now...etc.

I have had to shop around a bit b/c I am not a patient who wants the T to merely listen and validate. I want guidance or insights and their help in figuring out what I need to DO or see differently. I have liked or loved all of them but some were/are more helpful than others. Right now I have the best T I have ever had, and she was referred to me by a friend who is a T and knows me. Incredibly helpful and I feel better and am DOING more with my life than I would have otherwise.

I can't recall if you said you have a T now or will get one. But it's so useful when you need new tools.


Still working on internalizing that this guy was NOT behaving in a way that would have been sustainable, and certainly not in the way that I've written down are my must-have needs (staying in touch and filling me on his life; dependable, reliable, follows through on what he says, does what he says he'll do).

This ^^ guy is missing almost every one of your deal breakers. You are hurt now but if you had spent a year of your life with him only to be here anyhow, isn't it better to know now? I honestly don't get the appeal of this r. Sorry.

Where the head goes, the heart will follow...if you let it.

What was your parents m like? And what type of R do you have with your dad?

Need to work on thinking of this as a reprieve instead of a rejection.


Yes you dodged a bullet. Maybe when you have a healthy r you will see this more clearly.


Leaving in a bit to see if I can catch any of this eclipse business with a colleague who managed to nab eclipse glasses (though it's quite cloudy here!) and then headed for my free casino hotel overnight stay. I really have no plans besides... gambling? pool/hot tub time? relax on the balcony with a book? bring a bottle of champagne? Go to the fancy supper club nearby (maybe too much to eat at a table alone for a 3 course meal, but I could sit at the bar with an old fashioned and an app?) Whatever I feel like, I guess!

I'm still funny about eating full meals on my own but I'm a different generation AND really, I need to work on this! Why should we feel weird about it? Women travel and women eat, (OMG even without someone else!!)

I bring my Nook and headphones in case I choose to watch a video . If you Sit at the bar, you may tend to attract attention BUT hey, maybe you want that?

Enjoy what you have been given, = TIME and FREEDOM. They are not endless. I'm living alone for the first time in my life (no offense to my dog). I swear to God, I LIKE IT.

Who knew? I've raised 3 kids and sometimes I cannot see marrying again. I like men and envision having romance in my life again, but at this time, marriage is not as needed as it once was.

Someday you will be married, and these jaunts won't come often. ENJOY yourself !

I also bought a bike Sunday in-between when I sent the "not waiting" message and getting a response so when I'm feeling down, I'm trying to think about that and how fun it will be to zoom around and explore new places.

Your life is going to improve and I can't wait to hear about what you create.