My son and I have a really wonderful relationship. For the most part he is ok with our divorce. In the beginning, the transitions were difficult for him. But other then that he is actually fine.
I think its because his father was not around much before he left, so there really was not this huge difference for him when he actually did leave. He also gets tons of attention from my parents as well.
A while ago, I asked him if he was upset and he said "no because now when I go to grandmas, dad is there too and i get to see him"
He was also asking me if I could find a new daddy so that he could have a daddy he could live with. He said that he would let this daddy kiss him but only when hes not a stranger anymore.
Last night he was telling me that he thinks daddy still loves me a little but just didnt want to be married to me. He was telling me how badly he wanted a brother and my heart was breaking. I told him I could not because there was no daddy. And then he asked why I did not make a brother for him before his daddy split (I dont know where he heard the word "split" from). I just told him I would have liked a brother or sister but we could not. And then he got upset and was saying "I just hate that daddy made such a stupid choice"
So I just told him that this is all adult stuff and all he has to know is that both his mommy and daddy love him.
I am devastated because I wanted another child so badly. I signed up for a life with ex and he just wasted my time.
I really hate him in a true repulsion sort of way, and do not think I will ever forgive him. Most of the time, i am even repulsed my his mother as well.
In fact, I hate most of the walkaways I read about. I long to read stories about LBS moving on happier and walkaways filled with depression and regret. I truly want them to suffer.
