KGirl - new life, new stuff #2

[KGirl]

Thanks, all. Yes, I agree I am not detached enough/would be looking for info/would definitely not be able to handle it if he did show up as well, so I don't think I can go. I'm not exactly in the need for more male friends, particularly ones that live an hour or more away, so I'm not sure this is where I would want to spend my relationship-building energy. Maybe if we had all really become friends it would be different but most of them I met once at XBF's birthday party for a few hours.

My friends IRL were feeling like XBF's communications with me indicated that he did indeed think I was waiting around for him and that he could just pick up when/if he felt like it, so I decided to clarify things and sent a: "To be clear, I am not waiting around for you, and will be seeing other people. If your circumstances/situation changes you're welcome to get in touch, but I make no guarantees." His response was: "Thanks for letting me know, I hope you find happiness." *Shrug* so OK, that was helpful because it put me out of the sort of denial phase of "well maybe he'll still come back, he said maybe in a few weeks?" to the "OK, yep, definitely time to put him out of sight/mind" phase. And with the friends thing, that's the other reason I can't do it - the only way I've found to be able to get over people is if I completely cut all contact/social media/etc. with them, otherwise I keep holding out hope for them (probably because in all of the situations they've been the ones dumping me/I still wanted the R). Still working on internalizing that this guy was NOT behaving in a way that would have been sustainable, and certainly not in the way that I've written down are my must-have needs (staying in touch and filling me on his life; dependable, reliable, follows through on what he says, does what he says he'll do). Need to work on thinking of this as a reprieve instead of a rejection. And in fact, ultimately I set my boundary and rejected his crappy behavior, I guess, by moving on and not sitting on my hands waiting for him to change his mind about me?

Leaving in a bit to see if I can catch any of this eclipse business with a colleague who managed to nab eclipse glasses (though it's quite cloudy here!) and then headed for my free casino hotel overnight stay. I really have no plans besides... gambling? pool/hot tub time? relax on the balcony with a book? bring a bottle of champagne? Go to the fancy supper club nearby (maybe too much to eat at a table alone for a 3 course meal, but I could sit at the bar with an old fashioned and an app?) Whatever I feel like, I guess! I also bought a bike Sunday in-between when I sent the "not waiting" message and getting a response so when I'm feeling down, I'm trying to think about that and how fun it will be to zoom around and explore new places. My city is very bike-friendly but I've just never gotten around to it...XBF/whatever this guy was kept encouraging me to get a bike so we could ride together. Welp, too late and too bad for him I guess!