Limerence and My Situation Pt3

[Parkema]

Hi 25yearsmlc,

As usual thanks for your insight, I think I’m finally having my eyes opened.

Although I have been receiving these comments which are the most positive I’ve had in 6-months I still work on the premise that I don’t believe in anything they say and only so much in what they do but what made the change in her stance..?
I have been DR’ing or as I now look at it as working on myself for myself and feel what I’ve been doing is having some affect.
To be honest there was a step change once she came back from her week away with my boys and her AP/LO, maybe the guilt got to a point where she felt the need to “give me some points back” in a way to alleviate this. I also noticed that once I mentioned the specific date I needed her to clear her diary for a whole lot of interest started, the 3 W’s came up (where, what, with who) I of course stayed aloof and just said “nothing special”.

The following day AGAIN I was complimented with her saying “I looked good” her validating me..! I just brush it away and remember she’s on her way back to my house to sleep in my bed with her AP/LO so that soon dissipates.

The acting “as if” I know we are going to get back together is exactly that acting. Acting like this allows me to be happy and more relaxed when around her confident in the knowledge this is showing the best of me, I STILL understand I can do little to influence the eventual outcome BUT this is a method for me to show the world a better Mark proper DR’ing..?

I have now re-focused on my goals as they were more catered to her than me and the whole episode above does show that working on me is definitely the way forward.
• No pressure – can’t influence the outcome so why worry about it.
• More outgoing – show a more pleasant domineer NOT to my WW but to everyone. I think the goal could be for more people approaching me! I will monitor.
• Show a friendly individual who is over the worst and is concentrating on HIS future.
• Be the best dad in the world – obvious BUT also a strong head-turner for the WW’s.
All the above goals are now about me more than goals I can try and influence seeing in her as I feel doing the above will be noticed and be more positive either way.

Detaching is STILL very prevalent in my life now, I really couldn’t care if she comes around or not, in fact last week (when she was away with boys and AP/LO) I found I could relax even more knowing I wasn’t going to “bump” into her but not having the boys massively hurtful.

What does DR’ing mean to me? Ultimately trying to save my M what else..? Please understand I’m aware that people would suggest it’s about bettering yourself for whichever outcome happens BUT I feel MWD would ULTIMATELY suggest it’s about doing everything to save your M and more importantly making a better D proof M.

As you mention I now see that the best results I have had come from me looking after me BUT also I feel somewhere in there is changes in her A and the interaction with her AP/LO.

Mark.