Her MLC: The Battle I Didn't Choose

[Brubeck]

Well one day I hope I can look back at all this and ask myself how did I make it through? This crap just goes on and on.

The Sept. 5th court date regarding the tax return W stole from our joint account has been delayed. The judge is going out of town and rescheduled it for Oct. 10th.

Of course that doesn't stop W from accusing me of dragging this D out because I won't go into a marital settlement right now. With the court date on the tax return money she took, I'd rather wait to see what the judge has to say about all this, and so would my lawyers. Especially since the judge ruled initially in my favor and ordered both of us to fill out financial affidavits as a result of her stealing the money.

The financial affidavits were supposed to be swapped between both parties on July 12th. We sent mine to W's lawyer on July 14th. We didn't receive theirs until August 12th. Her financial affidavit looks thrown together like all the other litigation her L has created, and the affidavit is full of inaccuracies. I made sure my affidavit was accurate right down to the cent, and I have all the paperwork to verify any of it. I can only hope the judge will recognize this.

MLC is a rollercoaster. I see W trying to improve things with the kids while she fails elsewhere with them. She's showering them with sweets on an almost daily basis, but still going Monster on them and spewing in a heartbeat when it comes to housecleaning. This is what her mother was like, obsessed over appearances and making sure the house is immaculate at all times.

W is trying to be more affectionate with the boys, but she's still not interested in them. Birthdays for our older and youngest came and went, and she did a lot to bake sweets, and make decorations. She made an elaborate 2 tier chocolate cake for S3's birthday. When it came time to sing happy birthday to S3, she didn't bother to get up from the bed. She just laid there watching some show on her phone.

Is there some link between MLC and nostalgia (or days gone by)? W has been talking incessantly with people about grade school or high school. Making tallies of who's-doing-what-now and how people seem now on Facebook compared to who they were in childhood. A couple of weeks ago Real Friend #1 was visiting and W was sharing all these photos off her phone from grade school and doing a lot of "Remember When" and "Remember Them" discussing. Real Friend #1 couldn't match her enthusiasm.

I am getting busier at the new job and I am being kind of cautious because I know there are lots of rules in place and I don't want to step on anyone else's toes. I am working and following the rules but treading lightly. It will be about 2 months since I've joined. I'm going to be the new guy for a while.

I am feeling very beat up. I am exhausted. I am only getting 6 hours of sleep a night these days. W sleeps in with the kids until God Knows When because they're on summer break. I am up til midnight trying to calm them down and get them to sleep, but they are jumping off the walls because they've slept in. I'm doing it alone because W is already gone by 9 pm or sooner to hit the gym or go someplace with her MLC friends.

My L sent her L my proposal for child custody arrangement. I asked to have the kids every other weekend (Friday night to Sunday night) and to see them every Tuesday and Thursday from 6 PM until 8:30 PM. This is a standard variation on custody arrangements in Illinois.

My L sent the arrangement on a Monday morning. W came to me that evening to ask if we could discuss the arrangement.

She sounded very tired and a little monotone, and it's the closest that's sounded friendly from her in a very long time. She asked "You don't want the kids to spend the night with you on Tuesday and Thursday?"

I paused. Part of my mirror work is trying not to defend myself so much, and being okay with not having all the answers right away. I would digest this question later, but for the moment I said - "I don't know what my living arrangement is going to be like."

She asked "Have you started looking for a place yet?" but didn't wait for an answer. She just started rambling about spending time with the kids. I mentioned that I'm due at the office the exact same time the boys start school. She suggested I bring them home in the morning. I just repeated that I didn't know what my living situation would be like.

I want to be with my children as much as possible, but I don't know what kind of situation I will be in. I don't know how much work this will be.

OK - It's mind reading on my part, but I've been warning myself to expect W to backslide on her commitment to whatever custody agreement we arrived at. I see what condition W is in, and I don't think she can handle taking care of the boys for any sustained period of time. She is physically absent for part of each day, and when she's here, she is never fully engaged in the boys, except when Monster is angry at them for messing the house.

I wasn't expecting her to backslide on the actual arrangement itself. She's asking me to keep them 50% of the time while she still keeps 32% of my income in child support.