Hi Pinn, I'm sorry to read this update. Really, I do feel the WAS needs to be 'all in' for there to be a good chance of restoring things. And 20 years is a long time for you guys to be 'off and on.' Can I ask if that has been a pattern with you both? I noticed your thread mentioned 6 years together 'this time.' May I ask how many times that has happened? Just interested in possible behaviour patterns and loops really.
The question I want to ask you is 'who is driving your bus?' From what you post it sounds to me as though you are giving away some of your personal power to her and looking to her to do something - recommit, end it totally or whatever. Sometimes we can feel rather powerless in situations, where actually we are unique and talented individuals with many choices.
This may be a good time to think about setting yourself some goals independent of her. What would you like to do that you haven't yet done? Why not commit to doing these things in the coming few months?
Also, I"d like to reassure you that you sound like an attractive guy and it will certainly be possible for you to have a full and satisfying relationship with a lovely woman in future. I promise you that!! And if you want to work through any insecurities you may have (and we all do!) in the meantime, to support your own wellbeing, well go for it.
I would like to recommend dancing to you as a lovely way of getting out and meeting people. It has been a fantastic help to me in rebuilding confidence and getting back in touch with my free spirit side. The dancing community is a friendly one, and loves to welcome anyone who enjoys or wants to dance. It's a great way to get out, get fitter, socialise, exercise your brain and just enjoy moving to the music. This week I did a Rueda class which was great fun.
I'm also conscious this must have been a rough time for you after losing your Mum, so of course this will have contributed to how you have been feeling too. Perhaps it may be of benefit to see a grief counsellor and talk through how you feel?
Anyway, please know that good things do lie ahead for you my friend and take care, and keep moving forward towards them.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
