Hey Pax, I certainly think you have a point there. For me, the D was a big release in that this guy was no longer 'my husband' he was just someone who was the boyfriend of someone else. That really released me from the obligation and did help me move forward. I think had the marriage continued, I would have agreed to work on things if he had turned back to us. I also see some LBS where - in early reconciliations - haven't grown to the extent that they can be individuals within the M and have the strength and conviction to put in place boundaries without fear of the consequences.

Treasure, I loved the spelling error - I agree 'ditch' (or pit as I sometimes say) is certainly appropriate. I certainly felt I plunged into a dark pit and clawed my way out. A friend recently said to me - wow you really bounced back from that situation (with XH) - I put her straight and said I wouldn't use the word bounce, which suggests an ease that wasnt' there. The word I use myself is claw.

As for still loving someone. I still love XH in some ways. I also don't like him much and wouldn't want to be in a R with him. But there is still love for how we were together, what we shared and what we have. But it is a 'released' love. I think there is a big difference between having released and still loving and holding on.

Xxx

Last edited by job; 08/20/17 12:18 AM. Reason: edited a word for Sotto
T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus