Leaving it up to God (but still interfering!)

[Coly23]

Hi Citygirl, thanks for your visit too!

Yes, my H is not good at the pursuit. I believe his reason is because he does not want to give me hope. Whatever!

I think the reality of the situation is starting to sink in for him though. D is his step daughter and I think he thought he could dump me and treat me like I don't exist and still have a wonderful father daughter relationship with D. What he hasn't banked on is that she is disgusted with his behaviour and has no intention of having a relationship with him without me!

I tried yoga once but it wasn't for me. I think I need to find another provider as this one was run by an 80 year old lady who put a blanket on me while I was lying down with eyes shut! It was very sweet but I felt like I was in an old people's home!!

Journaling: i had a great Friday evening with my Sister. A few too many glasses of wine but really nice to catch up. I think her H is in MLC. We think he was a few years ago but I don't think he resolved anything so he is back to saying cruel things to her and being selfish with wanting to spend huge amounts of money on himself. I tried to give her a few hints and tips but it's so hard on her and the kids to go through this again.

D is doing a great job of helping me to slowly let go. Yesterday was a great example. We have a picture up in our hallway of cartoon people (a bit like the ones you get on the doors of male and female toilets so no faces or details just outlines of people) showing two female outlines a male and a rabbit and it says welcome to our family. I got it one Mother's Day and have been reluctant to remove it. Sadly we lost the rabbit just before H went to crazy land so as it stands two of the figures are no longer part of our family anymore. When we went shopping yesterday and D found a lovely wooden hanging with separate wooden arrows saying welcome to our noisy, sometimes messy but happy family and suggested I replace the picture with it as it is no longer relevant. So I took the plunge and it looks great!!

Slowly, day by day I feel we are making our own space without H in our lives. It feels great! Oh and my Sister whose H might be in MLC said she is so proud of me and how I have coped with everything. Especially brining up D and coping with the house on my own. I was really chuffed to hear that!

Happy Sunday!!