Well here I am looking forwards

[ATPeace]

Thank you for posting back

I have covered my insecurity issues with my IC and what we talked about was several things

One of which was
When I was very young about 13 I liked a girl at school a so called friends...friend decided that it would be a great idea to phone her up and tell her that I wanted to f*** her etc ...her parents went ballistic. She was just 13 we both went to the same school... I was dragged in front of the head and embarrassed by the head over what he had said to her ....I could never look at this girl again it also made me very nervous about chatting to girls

This is the first time I have ever really talked about this other than to my IC

Ok so I have said in the past I have only ever been with my W she was my first love/ attraction we kinna fell together and had 25 years together and a further 2 years seperated and we have four kids together

I fear that I will be alone and that no one else would want me and as I have not experienced relationships ....i worry that I do not have the skills to form another one ....remember I have not experienced different relationships I have had just the one and we fell together when she was very young. This leads me to question was our relationship a good one ...how can I even tell or comment if it was good or bad it was what it was ...I do not have other relationships to compare against so how would I know for sure I know it lasted a very long time but it also ended so was it a success or a failure

Ok so I have insecurity ...I do ...I am over weight I worry about my looks I feel I am small in the Manley department ....mostly probably caused by my weight ...my stomach covering ...that bit !!! I feel that I have lived an extremely sheltered life and have not had to get out and meet people

I meet and inteact with lots of people in my job but most of the people that I meet with are between the ages of 17 to 23 I am now 48 so even tho I am extremely confident in my job and with conversing with people of both gender I do spend a lot of my time with young adolescents as opposed to people my age so interacting with younger people is easy transferimg this to people my age is another matter.

So I have have been seperated for about two years tho living in the same house and the one thing that I really miss is the closeness of being with someone who wants to be with me ..

So it does worry me that I might find myself attracted to someone who is a lot younger than myself particulary if they show me an interest.

I want to be extremely clear I am not talking about getting involved with someone my daughters age 18....this is not what I am saying ....what I am trying to say is that I almost do not care who I spend my time with as long as they make me happy fill a gap I love to talk and if that is to a Twenty year old or a fourty year old then I really do not care I am not looking to strike up a relationship with either but I worry that because I feel lonely I could fall into the wrong relationship with the wrong person ...to fill the gap ...me feeling lonely.

I should add that I also get on extremely well with my male friends as well my male clients and I equally enjoy chatting to them.

I almost think that I need to get out meet lots of different people form lots of relationships ...catch up on the dating that I missed out on as a teen...experience a few bad dates a few good ones have the ones that don't last the ones that don't matter experience life a little to give me that balance on what is good and what is not .....bad idea ?

Would this give me more confidence or break mine I really don't know I question everything these days.

My gal could be better

My children i am spending lot more time with them ...this is a good thing

I still am too emotionally attached to my ex

Letting go is a choice

Thank you