Divorce and Acceptance- Part 2

[Pax_luv]

Hey there,
I've tried to write this out a few times, but I'm not getting my thoughts right. I've been thinking a lot about how the divorce really needs to happen in many of our sitchs for any possibility of a successful r in the future, should it be an option.

I've witnessed the journey of a former lbs, who has in the last year, become a rogue ww. Her h cheated, they separated, he was remorseful and they got back together, and then they struggled for many years through the piecing process. Fast forward, she starts to retreat, he gives her space knowing she needs it, she respects it but it's not enough, and now she's out finding her happiness (sound familiar?)

And the truth is.... I completely respect her and her decision. She did the massive work then, and still does the work to this day to be a great human. She's just had enough and knows that her former life doesn't serve her anymore. She's figuring it out.

Over the last few months I've kind of come to this conclusion that the divorce needs to happen for both parties. 1) for those who left the marriage to truly understand the grass ain't greener on the other side and 2) I think it's just as important for the lbs do get a clean break otherwise you're just putting band aids on a wound without truly knowing the repercussions long term. I think without the d, some sort of baggage will always be there. And yes, of course, you can therapize the cr@p out of it, but soooo much sacrifice is done via the LBS that I think a breaking point will come at some point for the lbs and it could be years and years down the line.

My friend stifled so much for many years "acting as if" working on her own triggers etc. While her h also did the work and they were on steady grounds for a while, it just hasn't proven to be enough to sustain a life together.

When the d happens, it completely severs all ties thus allowing the lbs to actually decide if they would even want that anymore. Without the d, I feel like there might be an "obligation" to make it work if/when the spouse returns. I just think the divorce is the only way to truly have a clean slate and work on it together.

I may not have eloquently stated that, and I'm sure MWD would disagree and I know piecing is hard, but I just wonder if it leads to a truly authentic, open, and genuine relationship having so much mending to do.

Hmm. Not sure if that makes sense, but Ive been processing it for a while. Or maybe I just got to the point where I could say no way in HeL! Do I want to work with my ex and get back together. Not that it's ever been an option!