Finding my way out of the dark - Part 3

[Treasur]

Thanks AS, Treasur, and Dusty. The change in the person is painful, but I'm starting to see how it can be helpful too. It helps us separate the present from the past, and helps us see that what we used to have is really gone.

It does help with detachment to see how different they are, even if it is shocking sometimes.

I don't know how much of the 'original' person is still in there if they are in the grip of MLC. I don't see much sign of it with my H, but logically there must be some of them still in the mix. Too many consistent years of v1...but you are dealing with v2 right now and detachment helps.

I think it's one of the biggest internal struggles actually for the LBS, to detach from v2 but do it in a loving way inside your own head because of v1. Some posters here who have seen their spouses come out of the fog eventually do see a sort of v3 that includes a lot of the original, I think. But a lot of WAS/MLC are being driven by their own emotional defences so it's hard to see.

I think of my H as dead. I don't expect to see him again, just the cold irrational v2 who is divorcing me, but I hope he does get to a v3 that is capable of being the pretty great man he was.