A familiar story with questions. II

[RR17]

RR

you mentioned that you reacted differently in 2013. But you also said you worked on yourself and felt you had improved as a man and h.

is that still how you see it?

Oh definitely, my industry took a big hit in the recession. I had my confidence, dignity as well as earning ability stripped away. I had become a grumpy, complainer that didn't feel respected. Hard on everyone and hurting inside. It had gone on for so long that I didn't even notice. A real miserable F***.
A week into the 2013 BD I had an epiphany. The discovery of Ws EA shook me so hard that, as Sandi has described, I took inventory of my being and saw things that I would have never realized had that not happened. I journaled about it and started to make the changes. As hard as it is to say, I am thankful for that part of that.
Now understand that although I had read a stack of books, IC, MC the whole lot, I had not discovered DB. That is why when I read MWD's words and Sandi's posting this time, it was an instant buy-in. I didn't need a beginners mind, I had tried and knew what doesn't work.


Did she say, back then, that she wanted to reconcile and repair the m?

Is she different now, than she was back then?

Well, she did go to MC and claimed to have read some of the material on helping your S heal from an A. She went to IC/MC but some what reluctantly and twice more I discovered that she wasn't ready and had not ended contact with OM.

Is she different now? Some of it seems the same, some different. At the moment I tend to discount the idea of another OM. One suspicious clue and I could change.
I realize that an OM is really just a symptom of the bigger problem, but it is an important factor if DB is to progress. She is facing her oldest 18D going off to college. She is a lot more independent this time because of changes made from last time.
Oh, yea, this time she is not dealing with a devastated basket case of a H.

At current, since my blow-up earlier this week, she is in a better place, especially since we resumed talking. Even before we broke the silence, I noticed a change in respect. Going Dark for a few days has had positive results.

If you could go back in time to that ordeal, (just for 5 minutes!), would you do anything differently?

Absolutely, If I had been aware of DBing I would have done the whole thing differently. As Sandi has said, the sooner one can implement the rules/180 etc. the sooner one can expect to see results. The easier one can hopefully shock them out of the fog.

"Pursuing" is a big one. Much like other facets that have gotten their own thread, this is a subject that I feel needs to be expanded on for other's to better understand. A cheat sheet of sorts. We LBH can pursue and not even realize it. It IMHO, is so much more than not following around and texting. It is easy to pursue and not realize you are doing it.
The very "human nature" responses that us LBS tend to exhibit make it worse. I can only wonder if I could have seen the value in DB without living the last go-round.