It's not over until its over. I'll fight and then when I feel there's no more fight in me I'll continue for at LEAST another year...
parkema,
Like everyone else, I did all of the wrong things at first. But, after I regained my composure, I began to feel like I'd been treated very poorly for a number of years (I realized that's subjective). As time wore on, I felt very angry and I'd openly discuss my displeasure with my wife (eventually my ex-wife). I thought that I'd surely put the final nail in the coffin long before we were divorced.
A couple of weeks ago, she came to pick up our sons and she started spewing because the boys wanted to stay with me and she was very upset. At the end of her spew, she said, "And that's why I divorced you!" (That was a common thing for her to say to me, but I hadn't heard her say that for at least six months.) Anyway, my response was, "Thank you! You did me a favor." As soon as I said that, my ex-wife's jaw literally dropped. I've never seen her mouth open so wide.
Her jaw-dropping really took me by surprise. I thought I'd literally done everything a person could possibly do to tell someone "no way no day" will I ever get back together with you. I'm mind reading, but her jaw-dropping response indicates that she must've thought I still wanted her back, at least to some degree. I don't know.
I guess the point of my anecdote is that it's very difficult to know what someone else is really thinking. But, if you want your spouse to come back, or even if you don't, it's better to be cordial, as you suggest, rather than high conflict.
