Get over your hill and see what you find there

[Treasur]

Ok, gets weirder. STBXH just called me. He sounded...dunno...bit cold and hints of emotion. Here is what he wants/is offering me. He wants us to talk f2f. He says in the last couple of months he has reached a point where he can be more honest and clear than he has ever been in his life. That he wants to talk to me because he thinks it's the right thing to do and he owes me that.

He also says he has a 'gut' feeling that he can't be really honest if the conversation happens before the D is final, that there won't be 'consequences' and he wants to be free to be honest without that fear and he can't do it without that line in the sand. That it's important to him and he wants to talk, but sees it as him answering my questions rather than needing to ask me anything. That he also thinks if I don't want to do it, he can live with the 'dishonour and shame' if I won't talk, but he'd rather we did. And he'd rather do that f2f than write a letter or talk on the phone. That he is sorry he 'hasn't behaved well' (!) and that he's not happy but 'thinks he can be happy at some future point'. That he thinks he will be in therapy for years to come.

I was surprised he rang. He is ringing later because he had to go into a meeting.

What did I hear? He is in a different place. Finalising the D is an important line in the sand for him. He doesn't think he deserves my forgiveness and won't ask for it. He thinks he 'should' talk to me rather than wants to talk to me or see me. I don't think he wants to be nasty to me, but I also don't think he regrets leaving me or misses me or cares about me. I think, for him, I/our M is old news and he sees removing me from his life as a necessary good for him even if he thinks he did it in the wrong way. He thinks he's behaved badly, I guess, rather than feeling bad about what he's done if that makes sense.

What do I feel? I think my M is done and I'm talking to someone who doesn't value it as I did. I think he feels no need or interest to talk to me; just thinks (albeit too damn late) that he should. If I said no, I suspect he'd be fine with it and just press on with his new life. I imagine, with his talk of 'consequences', that some of his honest perspective might be pretty tough to hear, that he might be saying he now realises that it wasn't real love and our M was a mistake for him and he's better off without it/me. That he feels sorry but does not miss me or want me in his life in any way. I'm also aware that it is a chance to hear his truth - or what it is now - and a chance for the kind of closure I have wanted for a long time. And that I'm brave. And that his truth doesn't have to be mine. And that what has happened to him, whatever that is, has profoundly changed him so he will not be the person I knew.

So, my choices? Three really.
1. I let my p****d off inner child out with all her wounds and create armageddon for both of us by going to Court.
2. I keep my boundary of not talking once the D is final, and decide that anything I hear from him is not useful or necessary for me to move forward, or not worth the emotional risk
3. I accept that D is inevitable because he wants it so much, but also accept that being his ex-wife may free him up enough to explain and try to make amends by talking in a way he has not been able/willing to for almost 2 years

Thoughts?