Get over your hill and see what you find there

[leahsue]

Treasur,
Thinking of you and sending hugs. I'm so sorry for this latest little relapse into pain. But it's SO normal, and unfortunately there's no short-cut around it. Just be the same, brave, strong treasure that you are, and walk straight into it. I PROMISE you will come out the other side stronger.
Also, on a practical note..... I've not said much in a long time on here about my first marriage, but some of the things you've said the last few posts resound with me about how I felt getting out of that marriage. It lasted 22 years, and for the most part, the first 11 or so were OK. I have two beautiful children, and they are the best things that came from those 22 years. He was a narcissist to begin with, but became worse with each passing year, until the last few years he was a straight up bully, besides the narcissism. By the time we split up, all I wanted was OUT. I had become dead inside, and was dulling the pain with AD left and right. I didn't hate (most of the time) but I did feel very apathetic and absolutely did not care about the financial repercussions of the D. I thought nothing would ever matter.

Here's the kicker- Later, it DOES matter. Once the apathy goes away, and it will, the anger comes back, but for me, it was anger at myself for just laying it all down and walking away. I could have gone the rest of my life and never worked or worried about money again, but I gave it all up, just to get out and be done. That is a huge mistake. Later, once you begin to feel alive again, and want to embrace the whole world and start to really live again, it will be SO much easier to do that with some financial security. I know right now it doesn't feel that it will matter, but please try to be smart and wise with your finances and settlements, because when "life", a GREAT ONE, begins for you again, you'll thank yourself.
Hugs to you today. Hang in there.