Still here. Still not detached...

[Chris73]

W and I had a civil conversation this morning about the next step in the separation. I agreed to a 6/8 day split (in her favor) of custody over a two week period in exchange for her moving out of our house. We will refi the mortgage in my name only and I will buy her out of her portion of the equity of the house, which isn't much. She's going to request a monthly amount for child support, which she deserves since she only makes 40% of what I make. But no alimony. The remaining assets and debits will likely be spilt evenly.

So it looks like (at least for now), we won't need to resort to litigation to dissolve the marriage. Next step is to find a mediator.

I can't even begin to describe the multitude of emotions that I've been dealing with today. Of course I'm relieved that we are on the right track to settling this amicably. And I'm excited that I can start looking around my house and make decisions about how I want to change/fix things. The fish tank that I've been dreaming about for the past 10 years will be a reality very soon.

...but I was also extremely sad most of the afternoon. I don't want her to move out. We built this home together and now she's walking away from it, and from us. I noticed a few txts come in from OM while we were talking. I didn't say anything and eventually she silenced her phone and turned it upside down. But thinking about it later I realized that has someone else in her life offering emotional support and doesn't need it from me anymore. Maybe this is why it's easier for her to move on than it is for me.

I don't think that she's facing the issues that got her (and us) to this point, but instead just moving on to the next distraction. I could be wrong though. I have no idea what's going on in her head these days and frankly I'm exhausted from trying to figure it out.

So onward and upward. Tomorrow is my last day of work and then the kids and I are off to the beach for a week. It's going to be a challenge handling both kids for a week without any help, but I'm ready. And I plan to come back from the week refreshed and renewed.