I spent so much time and energy wanting my ex to see the consequences. he never did. he didn't care. I wouldn't be putting all my energy into her feeling consequences. Let it happen as it should.
Also she asked if she would have to hand over her key. That's when I asked her if I was going to get a key to where she was staying. She said no, so I said then why would give you access over here. Told her we'll work out the details.
W seemed somewhat upset, but claimed that she understood.
That's almost amazing, isn't it? The complete disconnect between how THEY have "their" space, but your space is somehow supposed to be shared. When I first started trying to enforce that boundary with STBXW, and I told her that she had her space, and I needed to have mine, too, she actually said, "you have your space, it's your office, what I do with MY time in OUR house is up to me."
I always wondered if she replayed those conversations in HER head, to, the way I did in mine, and had some "WTF, did I actually SAY that??" moments, or if she was so convinced of whatever she was saying that she completely believed it.
Basically I told her that since you have decided to move out of the home, then she no longer has free reign to come as she pleases. W seemed hurt by that, but I honestly did care. Also she asked if she would have to hand over her key. That's when I asked her if I was going to get a key to where she was staying. She said no, so I said then why would give you access over here. Told her we'll work out the details.
Ha! True to WW form. I love how you handled it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Still thinking about whether to tell. Guess that really depends on what is going on or how I fell at the time. My W attempts at claiming to is contradicted by her actions.
Ginger,
I will allow the consequences to come naturally for the most part. Unless I find myself having to correct her lies.
EarthTN and Sandi,
It's interesting how that works with the WW. As if I'm obligated to give unlimited access to the space ahe is leaving. For all I know W could be staying with other guys. So leaving the home means you do you and I will do me.
Well it was interesting watching my W begin her packing. Last night she started with the bathroom. I can't honestly remember seeing her side of the sink or cabinet that clear. Nothing there at all. It was definitely weird considering that she has a lot more stuff than I do.
Considered maybe going home later and emptying her drawer for her. Guess to let her know that I have no issue with her moving out or should I just stay away from the whole process altogether. Also I caught my W smelling my laundry as she was taking it out of washing machine and placing in thw dryer. Mentioned about always liking my natural scent. Is that strange or am I looking too deep into that?
Prob looking too deep......when my W was moving out she did the dishes, vaccuumed and re-arranged the pictures before she left. I assumed it was all guilt maybe not for me but for our kids. Here it is 2 months later and she has shown no signs of regret.
My W has been cleaning the last 3 days, which is strange considering that I do these things. Perhaps it is guilt. Hopefully that guilt continues to eat at her. Guess I will work on taking down the photos.
Yeah....probably guilt. After my W moved out she came back and cleaned as well. I think deep down inside she knows what she is doing is wrong however it's not wrong enough for her to change her mind.
