I desperately want to see the kids and they want to see me but he's supposed to be with them for 2 weeks and I've told him he can't sleep in the house when I'm here. Everyone has said previously I should stick to that but when I tell him he goes mad and says I'm stopping him seeing the kids as him going to his other house and back every day isn't practical, not my problem I say? That does sound right...where is he living now and how far away is it? I think all the DB wisdom says to stick to the really important boundaries. It's really early days and emotional for all of you, him too. Could you reframe it as saying to him that it's about the kids and, because both of you are finding this emotional and hard, you can agree that both of you want to protect the kids from that kind of atmosphere?
I am out Friday and Saturday so that's fine just Friday for a couple of hours I can do. Good GALing - woot!
If I feel like I can't then I'll suggest taking the kids out rather than being at home. I also need to take the opportunity to do something different and that's be pleasant but not get drawn in as that's when my emotions take over. Is there an option of you all doing something nice together for a few hours, a family trip somewhere? Might that help both of you spend a bit of time together but avoid R talks for another time?
The problem is he wants me to be me the person I always have been when he's home but wants to continue A, cake eat basically. When I don't conform he gets angry. Well, I guess that's just grown-up life, right? And conforming to how you used to be with him got you here...so that doesn't sound like a great idea whether it makes him angry or not. Detach, detach...doesn't mean you don't care, just means you step back off his rollercoaster. What does he do when he's angry? Do you know what he's actually angry about?
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
