ILYBINILWY - OW - what to do next 3

[SJW]

I haven’t posted for a couple of weeks partly because it just been more of the same from H and partly because I’ve been so busy trying to get the house ready to put on the market.

I took the kids away for a few days to the seaside last Friday and we hadn’t heard from H in nearly a week. I knew he was abroad with OW although he hadn’t told me, he said he was working. He text Friday night asking if we had arrived and we exchanged a few texts about the following week as he was having the kids. I asked if he could call the following day as I was busy, he asked if he could speak to the kids so I told him to ring S’s phone, he rang mine. I gave it straight to my S to answer and then he passed to DO who then brought it back to me with him still on the line. I politely told him I was busy and could he call tomorrow, he agreed.
Saturday afternoon he rang and we had a very friendly and civilised chat about the kids and about the arrangements for the coming week. H went off the phone and within an hour after no activity on social media for over a week a picture is posted of him and OW on his FB page, his Mum rang me asking me what he was playing at so fortunately I didn’t see it. Sunday evening H calls S’s phone and speaks to both kids which was fine and they went to play out and I was just sat watching them and he called me. So in hindsight 3 phone calls in 3 days when he’s supposedly on a dream holiday should have been a good sign but I was so wrapped up in the fact that they were abroad together and he’d lied to me I completely missed it. It was obvious as soon as I answered that something was wrong and this is where I monumentally F£$%ked up. I dropped straight into concerned wife mode asking him what had happened, what on earth was the matter and he broke down. He said he couldn’t do it any more, he missed the kids, I told him that it was his choice and he could see them whenever he wanted. He said he didn’t want to have them at his Mum’s he wanted to come ‘home’. I said that wasn’t possible as I had plans and he had made his choice and he said he had made a mistake and had ended it with OW. This is where it goes horribly wrong, I lost it and I mean lost it big time. It was like a steam train rushing through my head he told our kids 3 weeks ago, has barely seen them since and I have had to manage their emotions every single day and now he’s ‘changed his mind’. I mentioned the pic on FB and he told me she had done it following our telephone conversation and he would remove it, which he did. He got it both barrels part of which was me telling him he couldn’t come home because I didn’t want him after what he’s done. I was so angry and now I regret it so much but can’t turn the clock back, if only I’d handled it differently.
I dropped the kids at his Mum’s Monday evening just before he arrived as I didn’t want to see him and he was texting Monday night but I stopped it after a couple. Tuesday afternoon I get a phone call from my DO on my S’s phone, ‘Mummy there’s something you need to know, Daddy’s got a GF!’ I nearly passed out, I asked her how she knew and she said he and S were looking at some pictures on his phone and messages came up from OW. I asked them if they were OK and said we would talk when they got home. I took a little while to gather myself then called H. We chatted about what they had been doing and after a couple of minutes it was obvious he didn’t know so I told him and he asked how, I told him and said I thought he was completely irresponsible and he agreed. He said that he realised he had let the kids down during all of this and it wouldn’t happen again, he asked me if I wanted him to talk to them I said no and if they mentioned it to tell them we would discuss it when they were back home with Mummy and Daddy. He asked when he could bring them back and I said we had agreed Sunday but he said they want to come home but you won’t let me stay so how is that going to work. I said if they really wanted to come home then he would have to bring them and sort himself out. That’s when he started having a go at me about money, the house, what I’m doing, where I’m going, why do I have to make him feel guilty every time we speak. He doesn’t know where I am or what I’m doing but I know everything about him. Why is he bothered about what I’m doing?
Since then I have downward spiralled, I went out with friends last night and couldn’t stop crying and had to come home early. I know I need to get busy but just can’t find the motivation. I know I need to put my guard back up and hopefully I will get another opportunity like Sunday but handle it better. I just feel so low I can’t stop crying and just want to crawl under the duvet and not come out.