WH came back. Piecing. Past the 2 year mark ...

[Stormchaser]

What I did: I kicked W out upon finding out that night. The next day she texted me from her friends house and trickled truth, saying it was only a bunch of flirty messages. When I told her I had access to the texts (which I was going to hack her phone), she came clean and said, yes, it was physical once, it made her sick, so she stopped but kept up the emotional connection.

What I wish I did: A month after finding out, I did more digging and found out OM's wife, her work #, her cell phone #, and a Youtube video she did for her employer (and my W knew her). I wish that night I had that Youtube video playing on the laptop and my W would see it. I imagine she would probably say, "hey, I know her, she's a member of our fitness facility!!" (OM's wife is a member).

I'd say, "oh yeah? I know her too!! I just sent her a copy of every text between you and her husband. She's none too pleased. Oh yeah, and I also let your boss know about your shenanigans with OM - she wants to talk to you immediately. Please call her back as soon as possible. And your sister said she has a room available for you tonight - yeah, I let her know, too".

Although, in hindsight, had I done that, its very likely my W would've ended her life. The humility and embarrassment she endured with those in our small circle that knew was painful enough. Had all those women in her bible study, her running group, biking group, mommy group - had they all found out, it could've destroyed her.

However, the thing that hurt the most was her refusal to quit working with OM. Our recovery was hindered by their constant contact. This is something I deal with every therapy session, slowly coming to grips with it. My stupid IC and MC said it was ok and I need to get over them working together. Not until I saw my new IC did I start to get some balls back and really express my discomfort with it. Once he got promoted, I knew we were done. W sensed it and resigned immediately, no notice, nothing. THAT showed me she was serious about us. So that's something I can start building on.