Welcome to the boards. It sounds as if there are a lot of positives in your sitch. You are getting some great advice here. Keep things slow; the saying here is that this is a marathon and not a sprint. Sometimes you will see immediate results, but mostly it takes time to work on the M and create a better one. Try and be patient, take it day by day, and continue to GAL and work on your 180s. Even if that makes her anxious, continue them because really they are for you. One thing we learn here is that we can never really fix the M (or the other person) but we can fix ourselves, and ultimately if they can do the same work too (their choice) then we can have better Rs. Not just with our S, but with others too.
One thing that stood out to me is that your MC said that your W is 99% out the door. That feels like a red flag to me. Overall, do you respect this MC and find it to be helpful? I am no expert, but I don't think it is their job to make these predictions and actually think it can be harmful. I think it is their job to help us with better communication and to navigate challenges. What does 99% or now 0% even look like? I tend to think that feelings (and the people who have them) are always changing. How can you quantify something that is never stagnant? My H was "100% out" a few years ago (had an A, said he wanted D, and he moved out), and today he is "100% in" and we are piecing 2.5 years later.
So really, there was never a 100% or 0%, but maybe somehow we were both always wavering in the middle? I imagine there were so many days that we both questioned what was happening and why. It has been said here that a good MC is worth their weight in gold, but also that a less skilled one can destroy a M. Is this person serving to make small day to day improvements in your communication? s/he helped you open up and discuss hard topics that you could not on your own? Do they come very highly recommended from people that have salvaged their M?
You mentioned that your wife has Bipolar Disorder and so I am sure you have some additional challenges that most of us do not. I have an adult daughter with BPD and it is very challenging to live with her at times, as it was to raise her. I cannot imagine the struggles of being M to someone with that diagnosis. I am glad to hear that she is going to see a psychiatrist. Some people believe that it is a life commitment to meds and IC, however I am not sure how true that is, and I think it depends on the person. While the DB principles will apply the same to you, I also think that how you measure results in her actions might be more confusing. Please be extra patient with the process if you can. ... I am glad she has the theater though, as that can be a wonderful and therapeutic outlet. My D did theater when she was a younger teen and it was great for her as she is extremely bright, creative, and chronically hypomanic.
Best of luck. Keep posting and asking questions!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
