A familiar story with questions. II

[25yearsmlc]

RR

Ugh, I knew I had posted the Swingers script somewhere, but not where. So let's pretend it was so important; that it just bore repeating...

So today's drama.

After hearing W say that she that she just needs to "get out of here". I initially responded rationally and went to walk 9 holes where it all hit me.

Unresponsibly, I later texted her that I was tired of it all.


well - you seem to realize that it wasn't something that helped advance your cause. But, we all get off track now & then. Try to learn from it and move forward. Figure out a way to contain yourself even when you get frustrated. A whole lot of this is going to be frustrating. That won't get smoother for you unless you smoothen it out.

That she had taken my financials to an hourly attorney and that that was not "just gathering info". (She claims that she was no pursuing D and doing nothing until further notice)

RR, this^^ is her self protection and intel gathering. You can and should do the same. I mean, you are forewarned.

I'm not clear on why you confronted her about seeing a L. You can protect yourself now, but I would be far quieter about it. No need to announce your legal position or share your feelings about it. You are on notice.
I hope you have retained legal counsel

but if you have not, is it because you fear seeking out information increases the likelihood of a divorce?


This idiotic attorney mistakenly called me claiming a wrong number.

Wow, I'm a L, and this^^ is a first. I'm sorry you had that experience. Forgive me but it's a bit hilarious to me.


I was tired of being blamed for all of it.
Tired of her rewriting our history
Tired of waiting for the next BD
Tired of hearing "I can't" when it really was "I won't"
Tired of losing sleep
Blah, blah blah
That I was now taking control and prepare for a shitstorm.


Just to clarify, you are saying that confronting her re the L was about you taking (back) control?

What if you just sought legal counsel of your own?

I'm not pro divorce. But you don't have to retain a lawyer just because you talk to one, and even if you did retain one, you need Not file for divorce.

In California about 1/3 of divorces filed, do not get finalized.

Just saying.




I know it was wrong but it all hit me and I was pissed.
She was obviously shaken.

Well, dang, we all backslide. (Really, we all do.) Detachment is pretty mandatory.


Dust yourself off and move forward. I think The more you challenge her choices, the more you force her to defend them. And You don't want to corner her.

Being in control of yourself projects more power and self confidence, and you'll feel more self confidence too.

RR, Are you doing any new GAL? I'm asking b/c you seem to be struggling with detachment, which makes your path even harder. I know you have your regular activities but perhaps you can consider that new GAL activities are by their very nature, more absorbing. And sometimes we really need the distraction.

Hang in there.