Leah, part 4

[leahsue]

1. What are your goals with this M? or D?

Right now I don't have goals for the current M, nor goals for a D. Right now my goal for us is a brand new, better, stronger, more communicative new relationship. I'm not re-committed to the R, and I don't know how he feels about re-commitment either, but as long as I know I'M not committed, it doesn't really matter to me if he is or is not.

2. What are you doing from your side to achieve those goals?

I'm learning to be MORE- in everything. What I mean by that is more fun for myself, (and less negative self-talk), more spontaneity in life in general (less planning and more go by the seat of my pants, spur of the moment, open for new things), more open to bigger love, (and I don't mean with him- certainly he'd be included in that, but specifically I mean bigger love with my children and their partners-which I've re-discovered since S), bigger love with my mom and sister, bigger love with my step-children, bigger love with his family (and less resentment about their closeness that at times can feel exclusive to me), just a bigger heart for people and less fear of rejection. I'm reading everything I can get my hands on to help me achieve these goals. I'm in IC as often as she can book me. Continuing to read this forum, and see how other people learn and grow from this same type of heart-ache.

3. What are you communicating to your H about what you want?

Absolutely nothing.

4. What do you need from him in order to have an R with him? ... Or do you simply want him to desire you ....

A desire on his part to begin a new relationship with me. Explanation of who OW is, and what role she plays in his life, and what plans he has for NC with her. That's a given (for me.) A welcome mat at our home in NJ, and the step-son's friend GONE to live in his own place. Of course, him to desire me, but more than that.... because once that need is satisfied, there has to be more. I want to see a desire in him to enjoy being with me the way we used to enjoy each other, before things fell apart.

5. How are you communicating those needs?

Not at all.... (yet).

These are my answers as honestly as I know them, Blu. Clearly, I need to communicate them to him at some point. IMO, though, these are not things that can be discussed openly and honestly except face to face.