doodler, why don't you just shut your pie hole, you don't know what you are talking about! :-) Hey, LOL, you asked for it!
LiM, I honestly don't think any of us can know if your W is grieving loss of OM or pining for him. Only she knows how she feels. The thing is, sometimes our fears become self-fulfilling if we focus on them. I want to help you get to more positive thinking. You say you don't want to obligate her to stay and that you want it to be her choice, right? But in your post yesterday you said that you ARE NOT THE BETTER OPTION. Can you chew on that for a minute?
Yes, to what AS just said about Retrouvaille, echo! I don't know anything about Pathways, but my H and I went to the Retro- weekend and we are finally on tract with the post-sessions. It is teaching us how to communicate on the most basic, fundamental level about our feelings. We make a lot of assumptions when we communicate, however when you can very clearly articulate your feelings, and when you can actually listen/understand your partner's feelings, the natural result is a closer R as we realize we do care so much more than we thought we did. That is what intimacy is, right?
It is not a course about problem solving or marital issues. It will give you the basic tools. As the weeks go by and you practice using the tools, you will become more equipped at handling fixing things that are broken later on. Like AS says, we cannot really give away the details because that will take away from the effectiveness of the program. If you can both go with an open-mind and give it a try, it does work. It is incredible and powerful to see these couples and what they have overcome--some of them have been through much, much more than we have! What we learn is that love is a choice, and if you both choose to love, then you can make it work.
My H and I went to MC too and she was very good. The thing is, we often left there emotionally drained or even conflicted. Retro- will teach you practical ways to navigate issues on your own. I am actually glad that we waited 2 years to go because it feels more manageable now than it would have been initially, when things were still so raw.
Not sure if that helps. Keep posting LiM, don't give up yet :-) You still have so much time on your side. There is always more time.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
