Leaving it up to God (but still interfering!)

[Coly23]

Thanks everyone for your messages. I feel like I am getting over this hump now and I am starting to feel a little better.

SKM, I am sure he does know why she hasn't responded he really isn't that dense! He chooses to ignore the fact because that would be too painful for him to admit how he has affected her.

Although it doesn't seem like it I do feel like I am moving forward without H. I have to, I dont have a choice. None of us do but we do have a choice in how to live our lives now that our S's have left and I think I am getting there.

Ownit, your friend is right off course. I have kept myself stuck but I also think my friends don't help because they don't see the progress I have made. Their idea of moving on is to file for D or start dating. I'm not ready for either. They think because I have not done either of these things that I am holding on and that makes me doubt myself that I have made any progress. I know that I am much happier and more myself than I was this time last year and I think NC has definitely helped. You know what, maybe he is stuck. I won't be suprised if he is.

Treasur, I am starting to realise that H would have done this to whoever he was with because normal people don't behave in this way. Normal people wouldn't have thrown everything away to go back 15 years so he can live on his own in a one bedroom flat, eating lunch with his parents every Sunday and drinking every opportunity he gets. I feel I have fought a good fight but now I'm tired. I have a beautiful D that I am grateful for each day, he has nothing. So in a way my life is much richer and fulfilling than the one he has chosen. I understand that it may fulfil his needs at the moment but I'm not sure how long he will be able to sustain it.

Journaling - D got another text from H on Saturday morning. This time he has asked her if she would like to go on holiday with him at the beginning of September before college starts! D said, no way, but she is yet to respond to him.

We were a little confused as his BF's wife told us that H, BF and two other friends were planning a boys holiday in October and now he is asking D to go away with him. He definitely would not be able to afford two holidays so I assume the October holiday was a non starter. Also he doesn't know D very well if he thinks she will go away on her own with a parent or step-parent at this age. I knew to invite her friend on holiday with us because D would have been bored out of her mind if it was just the two of us.

Before BD, when we went on holiday, this was the man who wanted to lie around the pool asleep and begrudgingly went on trips with us. This is the man who used to get annoyed that we had to entertain D on holiday because he didn't want to do anything but sunbathe. So what does he think he is going to do with her on holiday now or is he just lonely? All his friends have children of school age and would have all had their family holidays as their kids go back to school in September so I think it's probably because he has no one else to go away with him.

I'm also really shocked that considering D has avoided him for nearly 8 weeks, he thinks she will now go on holiday with him. What fantasy land does he live in!! Last year after BD we had to cancel our holiday because of him and instead he went away to visit his friend abroad but did not ask D to go with him. I had to pick up the pieces of a sobbing D when she found out the holiday she was looking forward to had been cancelled. I was the one who scraped money together to take her away in the end. He is so clueless!

He told D that he would contact me to discuss but so far he hasn't and no way am I going to contact him! In the past I would have sent him a text to thank him for asking her and let him know that she is working so she won't be able to. Now, I would rather he knew the reason was because she doesn't want to have this type of relationship with him. D loves H very much and he was the best step Dad to her but she does not want an estranged birth Dad and estranged step Dad. It's too much for her to get her head around it. Me to.

I would love input from you guys as to what I should say if H does contact me. Should I be blunt and tell him that she doesn't want to go on holiday or that the reason she can't is because she has a job until she goes to college? D said that even if she didn't have a job she still wouldn't want to go.

Nearly the middle of the week everyone, yippee!!