Alone and confused (angry)

[sandi2]

How can i test the statment that this is actually helping her?

Not sure what you mean. Please clarify.

I

do not have blinders on i know there is a chance my w is a WW as explained by Sandi2 i just have seen no proof of it

Well, she may not be wayward. Her behavior may stem from hormone imbalance. I certainly did, and I acted out in ways that were completely uncharacteristic. However, I had the emotional foundation of resentment and disrespect growing in my heart for years, feelings of rebellion was held back until the final straw of stress hit, and I acted out. I was in crises! I thought it was MLC. (Won't go into details). Just don't get too hung up about what to call her right now. I think it's safe to say that she is in some type of emotional crisis. She is acting strangely from what would be the norm for her. Eventually, if she is wayward.......her rebellion toward her H and the MR will become more evident through her selfish and disrespectful attitude, behavior, and choices.

[Nrthman]

Sandi2 on many occasions she has stated that we are going in the right direction i believe that is when kids ask most times.

We are having more positive then negative interactions. Weekend seem to get to me the most.

[Nrthman]

So gave it some though i can limit contact during the week but its her choice if she comes to church i guess i can limit conversation there.

Limiting contact is a part of the equation. Think of it like this: If you have ALWAYS went to church at 10:30am on a Sunday, stay with that routine. If she shows up, and sits by you...so be it.

But don't call and ask: "are you going to church on Sunday", or "well, see you on Sunday"

Its not about ignoring or shunning, it just about being "less available".
Thanks for the clarification woundedfool

How can i test the statment that this is actually helping her?

You don't, right now continue to focus on you.

I have noticed a better connection with kids like i said in previos comments it seems to unravel near the end of visits..

Well, stop going down cheese-less tunnels: Once you notice some unraveling toward the end... start to do something different.

I do not have blinders on i know there is a chance my w is a WW as explained by Sandi2 i just have seen no proof of it

How would it change your path if she was wandering?

I truly think i would view this all a different way... easy to say i could go on but i dont know. I respect the people that have found out and continue to fight for ther marriage.

I would thing some signs would be evident she still seem so messed up and unkept. Overthinking again....

Ride on the bike did relax me need to continue with that!

Yes you are overthinking.... and YES the bike ride did clear your head. Do you see a connection why the GAL's are important?

Weekends are a killer for me too much time to think. Have my next weekend planned out will stay busy.

[Nrthman]

Thanks for clarfication woundedfool on limited contact.

If my eife was ww i definitly would look at this differently. I have great respect for those here that are fighting to save there marriage even when a A is happening. The strenght and love the have for there spouse all i can say is wow... i truly dont know what or how i would proceed if that comes to light..

This weekend is full of GAL weekends are what set me spinning the most to much time to dwell on my situation...

[Nrthman]

Thanks for the imput J9. I have had limited contact since friday. Your right my W has been the one to start texting. I have not ignored her i just dont start conversations and i make it a point to try and end them on my terms. A small thing but i see the difference.

This weekend will be busy and i will have support around me.

Definitly reading a pile on here thanks for the suggestions.

[Nrthman]

Slow but i see small signs of hope. Last couple interactions with w have been positive. Whats different i truly believe it is how im approaching the situation. I may listen and at times vLidate but i have not offered idea's or solutions to any of W concerns.

Im trying to be a friend not a husband. I see a difference maybe just wishing it so!!

Off next week for some vacation. time to get a list of GAL activities

Suggestions??

[woundedfool]

Off next week for some vacation. time to get a list of GAL activities

Suggestions??

Simplest thing: name 10 things you always wanted to do, but have not: And do them!

Yoga!
Do an intro to SCUBA class!
Find a local soup kitchen and ask to help clean up!
Drive down an expressway, and help everyone you see stopped at the side of the road with car trouble!

[TxHubby]

My weekends actually became much more fun than when I was spending them with my WW. Why? Because I did exactly what I wanted to do.

[Treasur]

Highly recommend skydiving. And I've signed up for a pole dancing class next month...

[Nrthman]

Interactions between w and I are staying on the upbeat side. End of visits still seem to make her uncomfortable.
W has been reaching out by text more mostly to thank me for things or a good visit.

As i stated early in this thread i text good night to her every night. This is something i have done for years if we were apart i never expect a return text but just recently i have been recieving some return texts.

I may be overthinking again but at time i believe the w is watching how the kids and i are interacting with each other and this gets her more involved on the nights she visits.

Question
Boundaries have not been talked about but it seems the some have fell naturally in to place. Have others found this to be the case too?

With the situation at a stand still should i be makeing more boundaries. I ask this because other then leaving my w has not changed or pulled away any farther.

Actually contact seems to be increasing but if she feels and push from me i get the cold shoulder and the blank stare.

Changes at the house. Changes of me personally and the kids are being noticed. W will not mention them when we are together but it comes up in texts and in conversations she is having with mutual friends. Yes she seems to be starting to connect with some of her friends again also.

Now lets talk about me... i have been keeping busy with work and home projects. In the last year i have lost 75 lbs over the last 5-6 months maybe lossing it a little to fast but my health has improved greatly.

Vacation started yesterday. Road trip is big on planned events. Also reading and general laziness at the beach.

Question

With the interactions being improved should i ask the wife to be involved with one of the family vacation outings?