Cadence, The book you describe sounds interesting. I think we are allowed to post titles as long as the book is not in competition with Divorce Busters, but not sure.
I am in complete agreement, that the less invested spouse has the power. I am also in agreement that the more invested spouse needs to invest more in themselves so that perhaps that scale can be shifted to a more equal dynamic. I also agree that it puts one in a much better position to evaluate their current situation and whether their partners actions are something they can live with on a daily basis.
That detachment seems to be part of the piecing that some other posters like LIM and Bluewave are experiencing. And NYGAL, it does kind of seem like you are still in a place that does not sit well with you. A place in which you are desperately pursuing and trying to get your wife to respect your boundaries. But she is not.
I really, really feel for anyone living that situation daily. Its damaging to the soul to constantly second guess your partners faithfulness.
That being said, I want to be part of a relationship where i would still be guaranteed commitment, honesty, and loyalty if I went through a needy phase. I do not want the type of person that can only see value in the unobtainable or hard to get. Once married, I would want someone that is committed through it all.