LiM: One Year into Piecing

[LiM]

Ya, we do talk about these issues in MC. Typically, the issue is her being resistant to the things I'm asking for and wanting and the MC having to tell my W that these are reasonable and normal requests. I haven't told my W or the MC that I sometimes feel like I have a foot out the door and I guess I should. I guess I haven't because I'm afraid that doing so will come across as a scare tactic and I don't want a W who stays only because she fears having to go through a D. I only want her if she truly wants me.

I have looked into Retrouvaille and it is something I would be open to doing. However I don't know that my W would. Last year, we did a VERY extensive program called Pathways. I'm afraid my W would say "We've already done enough work like that." But this program IS focused on communication and I think my W WOULD say that we still struggle with communication. So I guess I should ask.

Interestingly, I looked up a Youtube video on Retrouvaille. That lead me to watching another video about a couple talking about recovering from infidelity and then I saw something that shook me and had me crying within seconds. I saw a man in a video that I know. A man talking about his infidelity and how he and his W have recovered. This couple is someone that we have known for a very long time. My W used to work with his W and if my memory is correct, my W even went on a medical mission trip to Africa many years ago with this couple. To my knowledge, my W is NOT aware of their situation.

Here's the thing. When I see these WS's in these videos and when I read stories on this board and others about former WS's and their attitudes about A's and the work they did to rebuild their R with their S, I do NOT see my W exhibiting the same level of humility and effort. I can't even put my finger on what exactly it is but my W is NOT the person that these other former WS's are.

I'll be asking my W tonight if she's familiar with this other couples story. Perhaps this other couple can be a mentor to help us through our struggles. Perhaps this mans W can help my W understand what she truly needs to be doing to help us recover.