NYGal Still Working on It

[Sotto]

Hi NYG, I remember that horrible feeling of XH being in touch with OW. They also worked together at the time. And he also changed the password on his work phone. For me that was the worst time and things really improved once we S and I did not have to see and get hurt by that stuff.

I'm not suggesting you S, but your situation sounds miserable at the moment and I'm so sorry that is the case. I see you trying to control what your W does. And I also see you in a somewhat parental role. She must tell me if she does X or Y. I can understand where you are coming from, but it makes for a dreadful dynamic on an ongoing basis I think.

From now on, I would work on the basis of - I only get to control me - no-one else. I'm not even going to try. So, if my W chooses to change her PW and be in touch with OW, I'm going to do what I need to do - not try and control her. Just let her know what does and doesn't work for me. Does it work for you to be in a R with someone who isn't doing the minimums to help you guys heal following her infidelity?

I'm sorry to be blunt, but you have been posting in the same vein for a good while now and I worry that you are stuck or scared or both. I hope you will reclaim your personal power and do what you need to do to look after yourself in this situation.

Xx