Leah, part 4

[leahsue]

I don't see how Leah can see evidence of that consistency from her H without being somewhat responsive to him, due to her circumstances. The only way her H could start working his way back is contacting her, exactly what we're seeing him do (though we don't yet know his intentions.)

Cadence, thank you for your response, both to Blu and to me. I've given it all much thought throughout the night. I still have not decided whether to see him this weekend. I DO want to see him, but it is short notice, and I want to be sure I'm mentally prepared to keep my boundaries firm.

One interesting and seemingly honest thing he said last night, kind of in reference to your quote above-

He opened the dialogue last night with a text, asking how my trip to the farm went, if we went alligator shining, that he wants to come soon and break my BIL's new bass weight record, etc., I waited a while before responding to his text, but then I just answered briefly how it went. I also said- I put the $ back in the account since I had only needed it b/c I found myself without my other debit cards that day.

His response was- "I told you it was fine. And I knew it was you. I guess I just was looking for a reason to reach out to you."

I said "You don't need a reason to reach out to me."

He said, "But I want a reason."

When I didn't respond, that's when he called and asked if he could come see me this weekend.

I found it interesting that he was honest about wanting to reach out, but again, that shame and testing to make sure it was OK, which has been his MO since BD, was still so strong. In some ways, (and not everyone will agree here, but that's OK- just calling it like I see it with him) I believe he is as afraid of reaching out to me, as I was of his NOT reaching out to me at all, back in the beginning.

I think for now, just treating him gently, letting him pursue, but letting him know it's safe to approach me slowly, is going to be my plan. When I do eventually see him again, I will need to see his commitment, or lack thereof, to building a new R., along with his regret, apologies, etc. But for now, I'm just breathing slowly, taking care of me, and turning my face toward the sun trying to be the best Leah ever. And I can get to that place, with him or without him.