I was about to ask if you're in MC but see that you are. Let me ask you this, all of the things you are saying here, which are VALID ISSUES, are you saying them in MC? Your W may not even know that she's still doing things that are eroding your trust. You're one foot out the door, you have nothing to lose by airing your grievances, and you should by all means do it before you're both feet out the door.
Also have you ever checked into Retrouvaille? I think it would be a huge benefit to the two of you, especially right now.
