Heres my question. If partner X can only respect ones boundaries when that person is less invested in the relationship, what does that say about partner x? Is that the type of partner and relationship partner y really wants?
I don't know Juju. I've heard that the strongest marriages are amongst those who aren't afraid to divorce.
I don't think it's a matter of lower investment/fair weather partners necessarily; I think it's recognition of being whole without the relationship/marriage. And so a one-up can choose to stay in a relationship that makes them happy, and work to improve it, but they're also not afraid to leave if there's no hope.
The certainty of "I'll be okay" is what gives the one-up the, er, one-up. They're still GAL while in the relationship.
The one-down might be afraid to lose the relationship, because they've not been GAL, or maybe they have some self-worth issues that make them feel they won't be whole without their partner.
Does that make sense?
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Lets say that youre partner left, and then came back because you won the lottery, lost weight, discovered the fountain of youth...would you take that partner back? Dont ee want people we dont have to play these distancer/pursuer games with?
I'd hope the time away from the partner was filled with GAL and rediscovery of self, and skepticism about the partner's intentions! If it were me, I'd want to see my ex working over time to show me that I could trust him again.
As for playing games, the premise of the book isn't that togetherness is constant game-playing. The power shifts happen subconsciously/naturally, and it's important for it to be centered as much as possible because the two persons are committed to the R/M but also to themselves.
