My W only see bad things in me. It is like if all of the sudden all good and positive traits evaporated from me.
The overwhelming majority of her comments, texts, and emails are literally and absolutely negative. Lately I am perceived by her not much less than a monster.
This is not uncommon. It's her way of convincing herself that pushing you away is the answer to all her problems. It's also her way of getting you onboard with her plans. She feels like if she's mean and treats you bad then you'll want D too. My XW was always the sweetest person I had ever known, but after BD she started treating me like crap and saying ugly things to me. A few weeks into it she finally told me that it was her way of trying to convince me that D was the answer, but she felt so guilty about it (because I was continuing to be nice to her) that she apologized and said she wouldn't do it anymore. And from that point on she never did again. So in some cases it's a conscious act.
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2) For who long is this going to last this negativity?
As I mentioned above, in my case it was a few weeks. But every sitch is different and I've heard of it lasting months or even years.
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3) What is the best way for me to respond to such negativity?
Live those rules! Also read the sticky thread on validating.
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Your insights about this malady and practical advice to temporarily cope with it are most welcome; particularly if base on your own experience with this issue. Thank you!
Well, in my case I did not engage her. When she treated me bad and said mean things I just tried to roll with it as best I could. By then I had learned about validation and was putting it into effect. The beauty of validation is you're not agreeing with her, you are simply acknowledging her feelings. "You sound frustrated, I can understand why you feel that way." There's no fuel there for her fire. Tensions are high after BD and any little thing can flare up into a fight. You've got to take the high road because she WANTS to fight, it reaffirms her belief that D is the right thing to do and that you are a bad person. If you validate it throws her off her game plan. Do it consistently over time and she will eventually start to realize that maybe SHE is the problem and not you.
