Get over your hill and see what you find there

[Treasur]

Bad day here. Been thinking about fear.

I'm not suicidal. Been there last year and it was about feeling unable to live with the pain.

But I'm tired, really tired. My fear is about not being enough. I fix things because I think doing is what makes me enough. I'm ashamed that without my family to love me, I haven't found a way yet to feel enough just on my own. I'm ashamed I feel not enough. I'm ashamed that I'm still a mess. I'm ashamed that I can't find a reason to matter that matters enough to me. I'm ashamed of being so weak and tired that I want to give up. I'm frightened that I am not enough and that I can't find enough in me to do more than put one foot in front of the other. I'm just tired of all of this.

I want my life back and I can't seem to find it some days. Today is just one of those days.