New to the journey and thank you.

[Treasur]

Kylo, I'm sorry you're here and you're right about patience. And death by a thousand cuts.

You said (and you're a funny guy) "I told her later: If you measured the speed of this divorce in the number of words discussing it, this would be the fastest divorce in history!" If it helps, I can name that tune in five. 'Divorce is the only option' is all I got with a H who ran away and refused to speak.

A couple of similarities struck me. Like you, married in 2003, some FOO stuff and being 'helped'.

I don't know if your wife is BPD/MLC/WAS...in a way right now it doesn't matter, just her actions and yours. No one can give you a percentage, timescale, game plan or outcome. Right now, you just know that this is where you are and it's going to be a hard ride. Sorry.

Please start training your mind around the Serenity prayer because focusing on what is in your control will help. Get some support for yourself to talk, pastor or IC, rather than stew as an introvert normally would. Try to accept that the M you had is over...as inconceivable as it is...and you are fighting for two things; to protect you and your boys, and to have the chance to make a new M on the other side of the storm. If that is what you want.

Loving detachment will save your life and sanity. It's like finding a human version of Grace, but not easy to do. DB will help you start to build a plan for you, but with your W, you can only hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Like your W, my H has a pattern of 'waiting to be rescued' but I think it produces resentment about being controlled too, real anger. If it is a pattern for you all, expect her to play both extremes of that in this crisis and you to fall in to your part of that pattern too. You might find it helpful to muse on that now.

Also, the money is a big flag. Your W may self-medicate with 'stuff' and you should be taking steps right now to protect you and your boys financially. Many spouses here - MLC or WAS - go through thousands, steal and lie, like a child taking money from your wallet. They seem to have a broken link between cause and effect, and a huge sense of entitlement and 'well, I want it so I took it.'

Practical stuff...what is the status quo right now? What is your W doing or saying she's planning to do? Is there an A? Is she seeing an IC? Does she have her own job and bank account?

You can't stop this rollercoaster. It isn't your fault, Kylo, but you can't stop it. Only choose how you respond and how you take shelter. Wiser heads than me will give you advice too if you keep posting, but my two cents is that God is giving you a challenge to live the Serenity prayer for real now and detachment is key. But hard, really hard and painful to do.