I'm sorry. Maybe that could have been worded better ... I promise though that I did not single you out; I would have posted the same thing to anyone here. I also am okay with taking some 2by4s myself--so please, whack away :-)
If you have read my posts, you know I take a very hard line with all walkaways, waywards, MLCs, cheaters--whatever you want to call them--including my own H! I feel that we cannot nice them back, tempt them, or allow the games that they play. I firmly believe that they do not deserve attention until they show us someone that is worthy of our time. We can detach, GAL, 180, etc, but ultimately, we focus on us and only them when they show us a person that has started to change. I think it takes time to see those changes.
I feel that we teach others how to treat us. When my H--who also lied, cheated, and left me for OW--starting coming back around, I did not allow him to just walk back in my life. He really hurt me. A lot. I felt that I had to protect myself from this person that I already knew could (and did) hurt me. There were some conditions that needed to be met before I could determine that he was safe. My idea of being a light house is shining brightly, but from a distance, and one that they can see but not up close. They need to work their way over.
For me (and again, I can only advise people based on what I know), I needed to see that he was sorry for hurting me, that I could trust him (at least a little bit initially), and that he had changed his ways. If I wasn't sure that he had ended it with OW--and could prove that he meant it--then there would be no letting my guard down, flirting, or opening up the idea of us. I showed him that I valued myself more than I valued the M.
So again, I am sorry if that stung. I have no reason to be here to make anyone feel bad. I am only here telling people what I see based on what I believe to be true. ... You deserve someone who knows your worth and is committed to being honest and good to you. I don't want your H to think he can come and go as he pleases, and I think he should show you some remorse and integrity. I think you deserve that.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
