Job was absolutely right. I have built up anger, disappointment and frustration, so I took her advice on a vent thread. Because I have been bottling it up because I have not wanted to admit I have these feelings.
Oh, but I do. Like I couldn't tell you how much it p!sses me off that my ex went to my volleyball game and said he got a point on 13 serves straight. And what a good night it was playing. Here I am preparing for surgery and a long tough recovery and he is playing in my spot and having fun. I know my injury was an unlucky accident. I am glad I don't have to deal with anything life threatening. But I think the universe keeps giving me the middle finger when I know my ex is doing what I should be doing right now in my place. It really just all feels like a big "F-you". I have been watching this man get what he wants living the good life for 9 years while I struggle and work d@mn hard to have a good life. And here I am. Still single, still doing it all on my own, and injured! And before anyone says "you don't know that he is happy". Yes, he is. He is happy. He got exactly what he wanted. It is working out quite well for him actually. He really likes the life he has. And really, I don't even want him to suffer. I don't care about that. I am just baffled sometimes when I look at the people around me getting just what they want, not caring who gets hurt, and what I have been working so hard for I can't quite grasp. I really do feel like the universe is telling me to give up doing what I enjoy, to give up the hope for love and just to accept things as they are. But they aren't how I want them to be.
So, yeah, I am very angry. I have angry tears. I am not going to stay here, I have been avoiding being here, but I am just soooooooooo freaking tired. Completely emotionally drained.
On a good note. I enjoyed seeing my friends this weekend as always. I had this really big paper due and I didn't hand it in on time. I did not make an adult decision and stay home all weekend and work on it. I just knew it was my last weekend before I am down for the count so I wanted to have some fun. ANd I did. I just paid for it later, haha.
I feel a little better now, thank Job for the idea. And the support as always.
