My husband filed for divorce

[LAJar]

Actually after reading one section of the book, I think I'm less downplaying his feelings and more just trying to get him to see my side (that I'm right).

Oh man can I ever relate. It's been a lifelong struggle for me to try not to do that. I still struggle with it with my GF, and it's really tough with her because she is the exact same way.

The struggle is real. I guess the least you can do is try, but that should definitely be appreciated by your significant other.

I look back on certain things and think, why didn't you just let it go? Some things are just not worth the battle.

Again, this is me!! So hard to stop yourself while "in the moment" though.

Before all of this happened, I was working on it and trying my best to phrase things in a more positive way. Less getting angry and more asking can you do this or that instead. Guess that still wasn't the right way. I guess it will always be something I have to be mindful of and work on stopping, especially for the small things that really don't matter.

Posting my personal business is so outside of my comfort zone and commenting on other's busiess as well. I lurk and definitely read, so I guess that's half the battle.

Well that's the beauty of these forums, they are completely anonymous. We discourage using names here so that it can remain that way. It is a "safe place" for discussion of things you can't talk to friends and family about because it might get back to your spouse.

I didn't ask my brother to respond, but he thanked him & asked if he wants to meet up and talk. My husband said yes. My son is having a hard time with this and my brother wants to talk to him about that.

Well, first of all don't expect it to go well because your H is likely to tell your brother about how done he is, how there's no hope, etc. etc. That's what WAS's do. It doesn't mean there's no hope though!

I'm going to ask my brother not to specifically bring up our situation, what his plans are, etc.

Yes, good!

My brother was out of town and I haven't spoken to him in a few days. They were supposed to talk today, but I don't even know if that's going to happen.

As much as I try to fight it though, it's giving me a little sliver of hope. I am really trying not to read too much into the fact he responded when initially he ignored him.

Do have hope, but don't have hope over this. It's too soon. He's likely just going to use this as an opportunity to "prep" everyone that the M is over. But that doesn't mean it IS over. He's following the WAS script.

That makes sense. I wanted it to be a good sign, but deep down knew it wasn't a whole lot. It's been more than a week without any communication, but he just texted me. Funny, I was coming to the forums to do some reading when the text came through. Bam! Just like a mack truck, he puts me back to day one. My grandmother recently went through surgery, which he found out from his sister. He texted to wish her a speedy recovery and good luck when I move my son this weekend. He then writes, "good luck with your son's move" and can we talk next week (presumably about divorce, selling house). Like a slap in the face. As I said before, he's been the father-figure to my son and that's how he refers to him?! My son, again, is having a hard time with this, from feeling angry at how he's left me and angry/sad in that he's had no communication with him whatsover. As you said before, it is such a lack of character. Now with this latest, it continues to show that and more. I don't even know how to respond. My anger and hurt are through the roof right now. I was planning on texting him about the mortgage & didn't even do that. Since he hadn't reached out to me, I was just going to pay it this month & see where things stood for the next month. He's not even mentioned it, but now this dumb text? I'm so angry.
Is there an actual "playbook" of how the WAS behaves? I'd love a link.

Your insights have been invaluable. Honestly. When your spouse tells you how you are, it's easy to dismiss it as being one-sided. A stranger, based on words you yourself wrote?! That's a whole other level. I can deal with it, but now I just need to work on doing things differently.

You are an awesome woman, if you weren't you wouldn't have come here in the first place. So please, take this all as constructive criticism and not a statement about who you are as a person. It hurts to hear sometimes, but we take the comments and we make adjustments and we move forward as better people for it

After getting this text, I really needed these kind words. I swear I'm trying - even if just for myself. This treatment is really just trying my patience and fortitude. I know I'm not the only one experiencing these things and I'll get through this just like the rest. Breathe and don't respond is my mantra.