Oldtimer 4 years and counting

[Citygrl]

My feelings are all over the place recently. It seems whenever there is a respite it is followed by a sledge hammer. I know all I can do is keep moving forward with divorce and plan for the future.

Today I was proactive and wrote to the Mediator asking her to send the letter to my husband to get the ball rolling. I don't trust, now that I have the divorce Nisi (divorce is in 2 parts here) that he won't go ahead and get the Divorce Absolute without a financial settlement. So, my lawyers are thinking the court route is better for us only in that there will be a time table that he must adhere to. I had sent him a text on Friday saying I was disappointed he hadn't moved forward and made an appointment with the mediator and reiterated that his lawyer is hell bent on going to court as that is his reputation and he has been laying the groundwork, and that is where he makes his money. I never get any kind of upper hand. Today he sent me and "FYI" with an attached letter to him from his solicitor saying that he wouldn't apply for the Absolute because I would be so distressed and his understanding was that he wanted to get remarried.

A little bit ago, that statement would have floored me but am happy to say it didn't. I am feeling like it is par for the course and now the catty: if he wants to marry some uneducated skank from Eastern Europe who dresses like she is from the 70s and is his cleaning lady and looks like his mother but worse....fine. Happy him. Gross.

I try to then focus on all that has transpired and how I really don't know how I could ever sleep with him again after his dubious sexual partners and some other things that totally gross me out. It is quite a story. So, as I said am moving ahead until the situation turns and upsets me again. Frustrating. What happened to the lovely man he once was? Sorry to vent.

His lack of any class or decorum amazes me. Even at 13, I think I had better manners. The lack of respect really does sting but he and his family are just "avoiders of conflict" and only take care of themselves. Selfish.