Wow! Like a big hug from old friends... Thanks, guys. I'm smitten...
Ellie, thanks for that reminder. You told me to let go or be dragged many moons ago and it def helped me. The thought of being dragged behind that hot mess express was more than cringe-worthy, and I dropped it quickly!
I suppose every once in a while I walk over to that wretched rope and start to reach for it. You were like the momma bear reminding her cub- DANGER! Don't you even! I ran away. Thanks for that. I know I can count on you.
Hi Cali! Great to hear from you. And I agree, I think progression is good to keep an eye on. For awhile I thought, "Wow! how do some of the posters get over it?" Then I got really ahead of myself and thought, "Wow! How do some of the posters still feel like they cycle after so many years?" Now, I get it. You get over it... but.... yeah.. Hope you are well, my friend!
25- Whoa. I read your post a few times. You nailed it. Some good stuff there. And you certainly refreshed my thoughts with some good old fashioned perspective.
I often think, he's gotta be a pretty lonely guy inside. He's lost a lot, regardless of whatever monetary gains he thinks he can use to fulfill... but I'm not entirely convinced they will do the trick. But it's all speculation on my part, and none of it should or does even matter. I am living a good life. I'm def happier and doing things the old me would have pursued, prior to the stifling marriage I participated in. So that's a good thing. (See Ellie! I'm doing it, girl!) However, part of me has simply died, I think. Things I used to love to do, I just don't anymore. And I can't explain why. I want to, but I just don't find enjoyment in many things. I have tried to revitalize my feelings there, and it's dead. Ugh. That stinks. But thanks, 25, for the thoughtful post. I appreciate your time and thoughts. And yeah, get it Rhianna! This will be my wedding gift to him.
HEATHER! You aren't going to believe this! I was invited to Asheville this fall! My aunt lives there. My cousin has a business 2 miles from Battery Park! OMG! Girl, I have an email for you, but I think it was through your previous employer. Hmph... gotta work on this. Oh! and you sound so fab. I wouldn't expect anything less. You are awesome.
Fighton- sorry you are struggling. And yeah, how they can carry on with the disaster left behind. Unreal.
I recently thought about the literal disaster left behind. On top of the family destruction, our house was torn up. Roughed-in additions, untouched. We didn't have insulation for 3 winters. Where I live, that unreal. We went without a kitchen for a long time. We kept a fridge in the garage, but no oven or stove or even kitchen sink. We kept dishes in a laundry basket and washed them in the bathroom. Pretty different life then the one he was living as he and hww were setting up shop and playing house. How he can live with that is beyond me.
Treasure- you are right. And I did spend a lot of time reading into his actions, thinking of the why's and how's and even making assumptions and worse... excuses. Fact is, it is what it is.. and I just would never put up with that from anyone. Just took me awhile to decide I wouldn't put up with it from him either. He's sick. She's sick. They can have each other.
Meanwhile: xh was going to take d16 shopping yesterday. No shocker there. Although she has tempered down the mall excursions with dear ol' dad, he was using he opportunity on various levels.
He said he was taking her 3 hours away to the biggest mall in the state. She was like, alright, whatev... The day before he said hww and her son were going too. She was like, no. He said the whole trip was actually her idea and she arranged it and they are spending the night. He just never relayed that part to d16. Turns out, her son will be starting kindergarten, so of course she has to take him to the biggest mall in the state and spend the weekend shopping for a 5 year old. BC.... that's how they roll. Everything I want my kids NOT to be.
So, d16 asked if they could just spend the day together doing something else. Just the 2 of them. She even offered to go to his house and just hang out since no one else would be there. He said no, he's going with them. So, another opportunity to spend a day with d16, and he opted out- making a choice to spend a day in over-indulgence with her son, buying $50 dinosaur tee-shirts or something, over spending some real quality time with his daughter. Eh, some things never do change. D16 spend the day fishing, instead. Yeah, my kid has a fondness for fishing these days. Not sure where this comes from, exactly, and I find it humorous. But, she did inform me, "Ya know, mom... how you like to go by the water and think and have some peace... it's like that. I like to go there too, but I like to fish too because it gives me something to do while I'm there." It's entertaining.. and s20 and I get a kick out of it. If you saw d16, you wouldn't necessarily imagine- fisherman! But, go girl! Do you!
