Trying to stay above water 2

[25yearsmlc]

Yes I had to clean up the garage where the doors were going in. So I said simply that I just needed to be aware so I could have cleaned up the area. Of course then he said I leave everything to the last minute and some things will never change. And I said yes I am aware I am a procrastinator.

I think this ^^ is a good interaction to examine. Yes it's a relatively small thing, but that may feel safer to check out.

Plus, changing ^^^these types of interactions is key to every healthy option you have. It won't be dramatic overtures that changes the dynamics for long. It'll be smaller, achievable consistent behaviors that create authentic change.

You can change your behaviors,

And invite more enjoyment in your life, crowding out negativity.

AND OR you can change your behaviors, and hope he notices & comes around,

OR you can remain unchanged, b/c it's what you know.

Frankly, familiarity is usually more comfortable than the unknown, even when the "unknowns" are happening anyhow, and making us unhappy.

At least these ^^ types of changes are ones WE can choose and embrace.

I know this is abstract.

So in the garage door exchange, was it understood that it was your job alone to clean out the garage?

in HIS view, were you "supposed" to know about the garage doors being replaced?

I'm trying to understand his point of view. I really wonder if he believed he was doing you a favor, then felt you were ungrateful, and he reacted poorly.

In any event, his comments were uncalled for. And it's okay to say that

calmly, without escalation. "H, that's uncalled for." And leave it at that. No expectation of a return apology. You just let the new you sink in. Don't get into the "never change" mantra he has. Don't take the bait. (You will prove him wrong with actions.)

We ALL make mistakes. When I was growing up, my dad would give us long lectures (diatribes) about mistakes we made. In time we would tune him out, and not even ponder the original issue, due to his overreaction.

So Learn to see when you drop the ball & don't freak out on yourself.

Imagine you forget to pick up the food when you promised you would. So you "apologize for dropping the ball on getting the food". And If you can repair the problem, then do so (e.g. go get the food now) .

You are allowed to make a mistake without being a piece of crap. You are entitled to imperfection. We all are.
Apologies usually prevent escalation, because What's to argue if you admit that you erred?

Calmly owning up to something and apologizing for a mistake without "trauma" to ones' ego, shows a person with self confidence & poise; it's attractive.

Hang in there.